Post-deciding. iii

How can I go so far up

But fall back down?

Never landing

Always misunderstanding 

Shapeless circles

jumping over hurdles 

How could I be facing the sky

But continue to lie?

Need a little push 

not off a ledge 

I'll smoke a little kush 

Never took that pledge 

How could I always try and reach

But be so ridiculously weak?

In need of clarity

But please no charity 

Post up some flyers 

I got the fire 

I'm gonna tell you right now

I'm not crazy

Just a little hazy

Why can't you just say 'wow'?

Just you

When we first met

It was a moment I'd soon forget

You were passive

And confident

It was nice

Looking at you

Then we met again 

Talked for hours on end

Mostly about music 

But it was nice again

I didn't understand you 

Summer came

A moment of change

I fell hard

Our bodies collided

It was a moment

Predecided 

You were my friend's friend

I felt like I needed you

But I was leaving

And I couldn't please you 

You cared for so long

Or maybe wanted loneliness to be gone

I was so far away

But you were still there

Now, my walls collapse 

Setting free thoughts

And emotions 

But I'm still far away

So far away

I can wait to hold you

Can wait to kiss you

Or maybe I cant wait

Anticipate 

The heaviness of opportunities

Waiting for something

The heaviness of cost

Wanting something 

Unreachable

Dream state

It's so heavy

Why must it be so heavy?

I just want to be good

To you

For you

Everything

I think I'm just struck

Electricity through me

When I'm near you 

Or feel you

Hear you

The realness overwhelms me

I just want to be good 

to you

For you

Everything 

Why won't you let me?

Post-deciding. ii

Something has changed

I can feel it 

my bones,

My thoughts 

Have I been naive?

Is it really time? 

Something has changed

I can see it

Eyes glazed,

Body torn

Where have you been hiding?

Must I let it find me?

This feeling...

This is what makes us real.

The panic.

The scare.

The excitement.

The love.

The change.

I'm ready.

Not everyone, though,

Not this time.

Especially not you.

Just me.