Emotional Intellegence

I don’t truly understand emotions
even if I play it off
like I do

How they come like a wave
Crash against the sand
Then pull back
Everything
that was pushed
Sucking all the energy back in
Just to crash back out

Your aggression outwardly expressed
Yet you say
Nothing is wrong

Is it you haven’t figured out
The issue?
Or do you have
Some sort of blockage
And cannot see your emotions?

Sorry wants to escape my lips
But I can’t be sorry
For something I cannot understand
For something I know
I didn’t do

I cannot understand how I have wronged you
If you yourself do not admit
Your angry emotions

Are these feelings invalid?

For the first time

I came for the first time 
While I was pulled up on him 
I was touching myself 

He wasn’t touching me,

Probably didn’t know how, honestly.

it made me feel hollow after

An overwhelming emptiness that

Made my mouth dry 

my lips crack

My breath quiet

My stomach churn 

It was so hollow I felt dirty

And cheap

A jar with no pennies

I became A hollow tree 

caused by my mind 

Being emptied 

at that moment 

And I wonder if this is all that everyone wants 

But I don’t want it at all 

#AnxietyFeelsLike

you're floating 

out in space. 

you look around and 

your stomach constantly 

churns. 

you feel like you're 

falling, like 

in a dream, 

except it's real. 

suddenly, 

the air is being pulled from your body. 

suddenly, you feel like you might 

die.

#DepressionFeelsLike

nothing. 

when you're in 

an episode, you feel 

absolutely nothing 

for long periods 

of time. you think it's 

normal, but 

the nothingness 

lingers, pressing 

on your chest. 

eventually, it makes 

you think that 

life itself 

is nothing. 

it is meaningless, 

pointless.

Anxiety

I have anxiety 

I can feel it 

Pulsing through my veins 

Like a poison 

Flowing through the bloodstream 

Radiating through my limbs

Sourcing from my stomach 

Though, 

It’s not needles and pins 

Pinching at my core 

It’s more heart beating 

Under my extremities

Heat around my throat 

Closing in 

This anxiety 

Hiding behind my eyes 

Penetrates the pages with words 

To others, Meaningless words 

To me, defining my infinity 

Image of a Woman

Imagine a woman
Who walks with pride
Head held high 
With secrets in her ears
And words in her mouth
She speaks with confidence
As if nothing was by her side
Who could hinder her thoughts
Or feelings

Imagine a woman
Who isn’t blinded by
What others think or feel
Shining brighter than those
Petty feelings

Imagine a woman
Who doesn’t chatter about the clutter
But creates compromises
Helping others
Being selfless

Imagine a woman
Shapeless and divine
Who doesn’t need others
To grow into a diverse human being

Imagine a woman
Who communicates with words
Using them like magic
To manipulate others
To bring chaos to her world
Subconsciously 
Yet with purpose

Imagine a woman
Who holds so many secrets
If she was cut open
They would spill out
They would stare at you
Embarrassing

Imagine a woman
Who doesn’t understand death
And tries to defeat it
Using words

Imagine a woman
So powerful
She dances with death
Into existence
Through words

Imagine a woman 
Who is so angry
She destroys death

Imagine a woman
Who is so sad
She buries death
With her

Early

I just grew up too fast

I thought I was gonna die early