For the first time

I came for the first time 
While I was pulled up on him 
I was touching myself 

He wasn’t touching me,

Probably didn’t know how, honestly.

it made me feel hollow after

An overwhelming emptiness that

Made my mouth dry 

my lips crack

My breath quiet

My stomach churn 

It was so hollow I felt dirty

And cheap

A jar with no pennies

I became A hollow tree 

caused by my mind 

Being emptied 

at that moment 

And I wonder if this is all that everyone wants 

But I don’t want it at all