I've never felt
I've never even dreamed
that this,
choices with voices,
would snap
with no authoritative
ambassador
yelling and screaming
for the door of brightness.
confusion
uncertainty
disorder
Just being pushed
on to the thorns
being pressed
inside your stomach
causing the heart
to break
from the flaws
that it sprung from
then crashing
down, down
belittling you
and your feelings
of desperation
and then it comes
crawling towards
you with hands and eyes
wide open
but you cry out
oh god,
why must this
and you don't get to finish
your words because
your throat has been
already grabbed
and being clung to like
if one was to let go
the whole world would collapse
so then you can't breath
and your body knows your
dying but
you don't want to
believe it,
you can't believe it.
shocking, flocking
the body feels hollow
like there is
nothing inside,
nothing behind the eyes.
choas has broken
down the gates
to the red house
that beats each day
wondering when it will
stop working,
growing tired, weary
shambles and lies become
food that white gates
munch on
as the thing that
is dearest whispers soft
words of loyalty
you have nothing
mumbling
not thinking.
scratching, weeping
wondering if i will
ever reach what
lies behind the clouds
of tired eyes and
broken vases,
of little faries dancing
to the sound of each
drop hitting the cheek
that is flushed with
anxiety of never knowning.
This,
this feeling
of wondering and
waiting and
never understanding
but constantly trying
is what i fear
the most
when i lay in bed,
and the moon shines
but darkness craddles me
as i lay on those
thorns that once
everything
me
you.