Confusion

I've never felt

this.

I've never even

dreamed

of this.

I am lost,

wandering around

with all these choices

before me,

not being able to choose

the right ones.

There is no guide.

No explanation.

confusion

uncertainty

disorder

Just being pushed

on to the thorns

being pressed

inside your stomach

causing the heart

to break

from the flaws

that it sprung from

then crashing

down, down

belittling you

and your feelings

of desperation

and then it comes

crawling towards

you with hands and eyes

wide open

but you cry out

oh god,

why must this

and you don't get to finish

your words because

your throat has been

already grabbed

and being clung to like

if one was to let go

the whole world would collapse

so then you can't breath

and your body knows your

dying but

you don't want to

believe it,

you can't believe it.

shocking, flocking

the body feels hollow

like there is

nothing inside,

nothing behind the eyes.

choas has broken

down the gates

to the red house

that beats each day

wondering when it will

stop working,

growing tired, weary

shambles and lies become

food that white gates

munch on

as the thing that

is dearest whispers soft

words of loyalty

you have nothing

mumbling

not thinking.

I am beginning

to question

will I ever get there?