Imposing

Soap suds stain the tile floor

as the unknown female exits the shower room

carrying nothing but her towel

and identity.

The lose hair that decays

when the water drips from the hose,

clogs the drain that once was an outlet

for cleanliness. 

The smell of a woman is in the air

even though one has already 

passed through.

No one can take the place of a sibling of

misfortune. 

No one can take the place of a sibling related

To the grim reaper.

I, for one, don't want to.

Please.

Stop telling me everything is okay.

I can't handle the lies beneath.

Better hurry and get out

Before its too late;

Before damage is done. 

Oh no, it has already begun.

Unexpected Faces

The face of intimacy appeared
on the screen of abandonment.

I have missed the instances of us.

I thought the world
would show me everything,
but no, i realized
that it was me just lacking you.

The moments together;
piles of cigarettes,
porno photographs,
illegal potions,
and lost kisses
with endless touches;
i don't know what
to do when the
need of you
is so severe.

I found the answer.
I know the answer
and i had to figured it out
alone, on my own time,
here in this strange area
of tan skin, black fur and symbols.

I'm sorry for leaving you,
for altering
my state of consciousness.

However, I am here.
I am everything for you.
Lets continue this.
For if we don't,
I might end the delusion
and the romance will be concluded.






With conclusion an ending follow.
With a conclusion, the end will soon come.
Then, I will die next to the willow tree.
It is then,
I will be free.

Robotics of Lonliness

I cannot tolerate being alone

for it scares the shit out of me

with its' anxiety filling cavities

and nonchalant kisses of trickery.

I cannot tolerate isolation

for it makes me feel like 

I am already departed

with it's paralyzing soul

and infertile uterus.

I cannot tolerate personages

for they believe themselves

to be above all else,

especially loneliness and isolation.

I, for one, will always be like this:

Weak and depressed for the

love of something other than 

a beating heart and a rational mind.

Now, I can find peace with the robotics of life.

Masochist

I enjoy the pain you give me.

I enjoy the pain I receive from you.

I enjoy your pain that you receive.

I enjoy your pain that you produce.

Let me help you.

No.

Never mind.

I am exhausted.

I changed my mind.

This is a quick occurrence.

Actually,

Let me help you.

I know I can.

The strength that can be

emitted could be the

answer.

Oh...

No, not really.

Leave me alone now.

Lullaby

I am completely lost.

All I want to do is sleep.

Sleep for years

and years

with my mind being bare.

I want to jailbreak

from this prison I am in.

It's not what I deserve

but I give up.

I am surrendering now.

I'm exhausted.

I can't stand to see you

next time and this 

is the worst feeling i can feel

even though I can't feel anymore.

So what is this feeling?

My body, mind and soul

is burnt out.

numbness is overcoming

as cold as winter.

Tears are streaming

like a gentle waterfall.

Let me sleep.

Say goodnight.

I wont awake again.

Goodnight, everything;

Goodnight, me;

Goodnight, you.

Goodnight.

Spider Webs

As I see the chair,

empty with mistakes,

i try to keep my attention

on the pension i wont
regret.

Keeping myself occupied,
it's a hard task I have to do
because all i think about is suicide
and that's all i ask of you.

Keeping myself in control,
the neat and tidiness of myself,
i try to learn new ideas
but it doesn't change anything.

i hate it.
I caught myself.
I caught myself thinking
of the time that was spent
sulking in the moment
of calamity and anxiety.

I hate it.
I am caught.
I am caught in your web.
Please let me go
or hurry up and eat me alive.

Medical Poison In My System

Move slowly,
an inch at a time.
Rhyming is just cliche,
but then wouldn't
repeating the first line
be unconvincingly easier?

My mind is not well;
I feel like this is temporary
But I don't talk want to about it.
All I can do is compile drafts.

I wont ask for help.
I cant even rely on myself.
I wish I was somebody else.
Constantly.

I know I wont feel a thing,
these accomplishments
are translucent and are pulling
me in relentlessly.
Maybe repetition will save me.

But still,
all I can do is write it down.
Hopefully, this is temporary
since not feeling a thing
appears so much manageable.

And since I know I wont feel a thing
These accomplishments become brief,
they become so short-lived.

Help me find the origin
to what happens when we
reach each other.
Will it become an accomplishment?

House Love

Yep. I like house music. Benassi was the beginning of it all.

How Do You Feel?

The moments shared
between drinks and conversations,
how time passing,
what nothing but a mere
conjunction of body
movements and cigarette packs.

The thoughts on the floor,
the thoughts in my head,
the connection that 
is an ordinary thread,
can extend to the door
that will never shut.

Where you are,
where you will be,
the endless opportunities
of chance happening
and countless encounters
of mindless speech
and hugs never reached.

The unsavory distance
and the unpronounced feelings
of what is or was,
is as real as a prick
to the finger,
and how the technology 
of the brain with it's 
spaces and faces in between,
the moments cannot be disrupted,
and i hope that everything
that is up until now
will be persevered
and maintained
only so that one day
a convention will form.

Tonight

Eating together

Seemed normal

But I only noticed the food

That I had order was

Being played with instead 

Of eating as if it were enjoyable.

I see you on the other side,

no smile, not emotion.

I feel like this is

impossible, 

incomprehensible

Because the way you are

And the way you 

Move around each subject

Or never say anything except a no

Is a definition of virile.

However,

I am in love with you.

You love me too.

I will do anything for you.

But I think I am at my peak,

soon,

I will die.

That is,

Unless everything you have said is true.

Should I trust you?

Can I trust you?

I have trusted before,

and the grim reaper came

and took the life of the one

who cared the most.

Does that mean,

you reap what you sow?

this confusion,

will it pass?

I will wait for you.

I will try my best.

Sleep Watching

As I sleep,
the silence in my mind
and all I see petrifies me.
And no one knows this;
No one can save me.

As I sleep,
silence circulates within my brain
but as I wake up in the same place,
I realize
I wont wait here any longer.
This life i live in,
I can no longer be patient with.

Still,
now it is incompatible
but all those promises 
will smash into pieces.


No one is watching me now,
but as I am on the verge to drown,
and I thought I would want to see you once more.

no, I thought that is what I needed
But what I wanted was a deception.

Now look,
the love that was conjured up by chemistry,
was a fools love.
To be enough,
To feel enough,

This.
This is all I want. 

However, it still not quite the way it was. 
All the promises fractured.

Reasons are many,
but I love to spend 
all my time up
in my own head
because the words coming 
out of your face is unbelievable.  

Then I think, 
my reasoning would
be dubious too?


This never made much sense to me 
So I sleep alone. 

I guess I love to spend all my time up in my own brain. 

Because I can't believe the words coming up out of your face. 

Liar, 

You call never came. 

But I 

Sleep well

now that 

You're gone.

Impractical Thoughts

Feeling any emotion 
can ruin the live of a 
human being.

As robotics continues
to flourish within this
decade, this time,
I wonder if soon
all humans will become 
robots. 

Robots, 
emotionless and 
completely indifferent 
towards every single aspect
of this ridiculous existence.

People,
consecratory in love with this
world that is currently
moving around
in a sequence of waves,
and the circle motion 
of a ticking clock.

While this is happening,
humans are also walking around
in circles with their black suits 
and brief cases that look heavy
and full of books and papers
that are completely inessential
to what is truly going on.

While this happening,
humans are changing constantly.

While this is happening,
time is fleeting out of my hands
even though my hand is out 
trying to grasp it
in the most eloquent way.

On the contrary,
I will let go of the 
door i am hanging on to.
I will let go of the
burdens that I possess
within my soul
attained from you.

I will let go.

but I know..

in the end..

This is completely impractical.

Parasite

The sky looks at me,
As though I hold
The answers to
All the questions that
Circulates through the clouds.

Though I am not the key
To the lock that
You possess,
I am the control;
I am the mind;
A parasite.
One that feeds
On the human soul
But soon evaporates
When satisfied

However,
Because The sky is so vast
And the color is as blue
As the ocean,
The curiosity and
Yearning to reach you
Is unstoppable.

I cannot get myself
To stop wanting to climb
Up to you
To give the
Comfort and security
Needed

On the contrary,
These habits I
Have obtained are
Unchangeable
And consistent.

Will I cliff hang
Or continue towards
endless, infinite
Nothingness?

Us

Through the ripples of the stream

I shine through the opaque wetness

of your cream and pettiness.

Our minds like a cell,

circulating between one another

the in and out spell

that the child gives the surrogate mother.

Two houses with a tree in between,

as our acids dissociate the figurines.

I'm frightened what will come of it,

for I never had forgotten the start of this.

How to Start a Fire

Sweat pants hung on the chair,

Undergarments scattered on the floor.

Sweat particles accumulated on the pillow

The scent of love that was being made

Ahh, I can smell you now.

The distinct smell of the one who

Paved the street with gold,

Or that's what someone said. 

However.

Wait.

On the contrary, 

There is no remedy for this moment,

It won't leave my head. 

Every time I close my eyes,

I'm scared you'd leave me

Since there is no you tonight. 

Will I see you in my dreams? 

I don't want to wake up anymore.

Like a fucking dream I'm living in,

My body is weak, fragile  to this:

Soon,

My body shakes

Pour the venom in my veins. 

I feel good because someone is reading my blog,

My life. 

It's alarming.

Charming.

But, I don't think you want to see the things  I have.

I could be lying.

Ha.

Still,

Regardless of the summer time Meloncholic scene,  

I'll put my red dress,

I'm ready,

And soon, i will become

A fire.

Flying

Goose bumps crawl up my spine

As the aircraft lifted off the steaming ground;

It was so hot that maybe,

If you were hungry,

You could cook an egg.

Just one, though.

Unfortunately,

I don't like eggs.

So, you shouldn't ask me to stay

And eat them because

I'd just play with my food

Until a punishment was deserved 

You shouldn't ask a pessimist

For the answers

Because they will play with you;

Conjure up the past hidden secrets 

And control you use pessimistic  spells 

Make you go around in circles. 

I'm getting dizzy. 

You are as well, right?

The whole world is still

On my strain of consciousness 

And hoping,

No,

Wishing it could be better. 

Didn't have To get any worse

But I wake up every day 

In the middle of this god damn same room

But it's not quite the way it was,

But I think you should stay

And cook that breakfast you always wanted 

But I'm tell you,

I will not eat it.

And no,

I'm not a vegetarian.

I eat.

i just devour the process of the mind,

Gather as many boxes that I can,

Which is maybe one or two,

And then bolt towards the opening.

Outside,

I feel

Vulnerable laying on the cubed

Table contemplating the past

Deaths.

I can't seem to fall asleep these days

But the grave is being dug

Com'on

Everything you said to me 

It wasn't just words.

Every single day passing,

I think I call it love,

But it's just fate.

Darling, you fucked up. 

Blah Blah: Love

Being in love with you

Words unspoken

Maybe a silent answer

And maybe devotion

Maybe I'm ready 

But I'll need your help

Especially because 

The way I am in love with you

It's hard

I can't do it alone

Will you be there? 

I wonder.

 

Elevator Love Song

It's hard to stay middle 

When you don't know how

To handle the day

Getting exhausted, lately

I seem to take it out on all my good friends 

But they know im just kidding 

As I leave the apartment,

With its rich smell ad stained brown walls, 

I can smell the secant of

Happiness 

Mental Satisfaction

Living was not a breeze

Especially when I couldn't understand

That last night when we

Had our first psycho therapy.

I could feel us coming

Out of our bodies,

Entering each other,

Feeling the warmth of

The other caressing the unconscious.

Expressing our thoughts,

Touching our desires,

Creating a shield 

So intruders could not enter and  conjure chaos within this

world that was created.

Here,

It's endless ecstasy

Feeling infinite

Holding your hands up high

To grasp the cloud that takes form of a dream or passion,

With metaphors flying everywhere.  

Words are shown in the sky,

Like birds flying towards the stars 

But with each metaphor comes with the price

Of knowing the future, present, and past.

I don't want to leave.

I just want to stay here 

In this vast land of success,

passion and desire;

To be the best for you. 

With each sip, 

Nourishment overwhelms you and 

Satisfies my yearning for

That one thing that many people call fate.

Unfortunately:

My mind has stopped,

Has Seen the line

Underneath the ground

Pushing me towards the path

Without looking back

I can't grasp it

So i slip into coma

But I'm struggling 

With addiction 

Involving this mission,

The world and it's

Individual Mechanics.

I never understood how i think

I don't understand why you do

What you do

Everyday

Man.

This is overwhelming. 

Mentally, you're all a need.

But within this tragedy,

Does a remedy even exist?

This tragic, Meloncholic feeling 

Searching for clarification.

Could this be a clarity for my insanity? 

Mind Pause

My mind has stopped,

Has Seen the line

Underneath the ground

Pushing me towards the path

Without looking back

 

I can't grasp it

So i slip into coma

But I'm struggling 

With addiction 

Involving this mission,

The world and it's

Individual  Mechanics.

I never understood how i think

I don't understand why you do

What you do

Everyday

Man.

This is overwhelming.